Number four. The magic number*. One is the loneliest, two can be as bad as one, and three? Who gives a shit about three? Aside from that being an “actual” magic number, three ain’t shit. Four. Yes, four. That’s where the magic happens. And it’s happening here, friends. Right now, from this blog to your eyeballs. You are now 4% more magical just for having read this. Why doesn’t that make you happy? Why doesn’t anything, anymore? Well? How did I get here?

I don’t have the answers, but I do have this: Rooster Illusion is entering its fourth October, a month dedicated to slapping ourselves—and willing participants—into full-on berserker mode for Halloween. We want you to go nuts. We want to go nuts with you. We want you to feel like you could punch an elk, without actually doing that**.

So slap yourself silly. Paint your nails black. Paint your room. Paint your cat. Paint your congressperson, because Halloween is coming. Get into the spirit of things, you Scrooge-like bastard. Do it for me.

*That’s a palindrome. Also known for its magical properties. Spooky.

**Rooster Illusion does not encourage feeding the wildlife, nor do we encourage needless violence against animals. Especially animals, such as the hardy elk, that could easily take you in a fight. Yes, you.