Baddie – Love.

Lesson – Someone is always going to hate on your parade.

Canadian Film Development Corporation
My Bloody Valentine (Special Edition)

I don’t really have an opinion on Valentine’s Day, but I do love seasonally appropriate reviews. So curl up with a friend, or watch it in embittered silence, it’s up to you.

It’s a hoorror moovie seht in Nohva Scohtia, doncha know! (I’m sorry.)

True to form, most of the actors rock a Nova Scotia brogue (that’s a thing now). It makes the movie like, 80 times more enjoyable and cheerful. Canadians!

Things I didn’t hate about this movie include that it is the town that’s called Valentine’s Bluffs, so it actually kind of makes sense for everyone to go crazy on Feb. 14th every year. It’s like Founder’s Day. So don’t worry – there are normal horror-fare couples, but it’s not the focus of the film.  The town itself is built around a mine, hence the miner costume on the villain. Harry Warden (sounds like Borden most of the film. I wish it was Borden) was trapped in a mineshaft collapse where he survived for 6 weeks by eating his friends. This in turn makes him crazy. I do not intend on watching movies about cannibals so often. It just happens. 

Canadian Film Development Corporation

Have I mentioned yet that this is the original movie from 1981, not the remake? I should mention that. It’s full of 80’s wonderfulness. You know, a man’s man. Ladies who faint and quiver and stuff. Quiet, understated soundtracks. Cops who have frankly just seen too much and no longer care. The sheriff genuinely gets another heart (human heart) in the mail and his eyes read, “SERIOUSLY. Another one? This is getting OLD.”

Incidentally, the killer is supppppper meticulous. After one murder, he takes the time to flip over 20 paper hearts mounted to a wall upside-down. I would like to take this time to mention that 20 years may not be enough time to start a legend, as most of the people in the town were alive for it to have happened.

And now for the hilarious.

These guys are manly men miners. They heat up TV dinners on car engine blocks. They play fight in the shower. They play harmonica and sing shanties. Men’s men.

There are constant safety reminders in this slasher film. Signs all over the mine, and consequently the party held in the mine cafeteria. The whole beginning of the movie is about how the shift switch goes at the mine. It’s a consistent motif, which I think is just peachy keen in a slasher pic.

Canadian Film Development Corporation

Oh! Also, this movie’s heroine is named Sarah! That’s my name! And she’s alright. Kinda kickass. Slaps some fools. This movie was also released on my birthday, Feb. 11th, albeit nine years before I was born.

I mean, let’s be real. This is an 80’s horror film. It’s pretty formulaic, and it works. I got a little bored, but there’s enough blood/gore/scare tactics to keep a viewer interested for the most part. I’m considering watching the remake next week, but only because it has Jensen Ackles in it.

If anyone is interested – I found a play-by-play of the differences in the ‘unrated’ and ‘rated’ versions of this movie. I believe it is the ‘unrated’ version on Netflix.