There’s a new Godzilla movie coming out, and I could not be more stoked. I’ve been a fan of the Big G since before I could tie my shoes. In honor of the King’s (suck it, Elvis) 60^th anniversary outing, I’ll be posting a series of columns commemorating his legacy. This one, as the more astute of you will have gathered from the title, is the introduction. Now that I’ve gotten the intro to the intro out of the way, let’s get on to the meat of this thing.

The following is a speech I wrote for my 6^th grade English class. The assignment? Talk about our hobbies and interests. My subject? The one and only King of the Monsters:

James Melville, 11/1/01

Ever since my first encounter with Godzilla I have been a fan. A lot of people think my Godzilla hobby is odd, but I don’t. I first saw Godzilla in a movie when I was three; it was Godzilla vs. Megalon. After that I had to keep exploring the world of Godzilla fandom. Later on, maybe when I was four, I got my first Godzilla toy. I got him at Kinney Drugs. 6″ tall and beautifully painted, my first Godzilla toy has been, and always will be, my favorite Godzilla toy. After my first Godzilla toy I got more and more interested, and I soon became a fan.

The man of the hour, helping me demolish a beer.

After my early encounter with Godzilla, I got interested in facts about Godzilla and the other monsters. I have learned that Godzilla was created in 1954 and worked his way up to 2001. In some of the earlier movies (#1-15) Godzilla was 50 meters tall, but as the 1980’s came around he was 80 meters tall, and finally Godzilla’s height was 100 meters tall. Godzilla has been in 24 movies all together, and over the ages he has made some allies. Some of them are Rodan, a kind of mutated pteranadon, and Angilas, a mutated ankylosaurus with a back shielded with spikes and a never-die attitude.

Seriously, I friggin’ love this guy.
Source: http://bit.ly/1kzMq2w

You may think that isn’t much, but I know a whole lot more than that. I learned it all from one book, my Godzilla Compendium. It tells you everything you need to know about Godzilla. I wouldn’t have gotten my Godzilla Compendium if I hadn’t become a Godzilla fan. I care about what I collect. That’s what I think is the number one rule about collecting Godzilla items. Just because I collect Godzilla stuff doesn’t mean I don’t play with it. I don’t want my toys to sit on a shelf and gather dust for eternity!

I also care about the characters in the movies. Sometimes I become really involved when I watch a movie, and that’s what I think is important about being a Godzilla fan.

When you’re a Godzilla fan you collect some cool memorabilia and you also collect some cool information .I have also learned that over the years Godzilla has won 28 fights, lost 9 and tied 12. All together he has been in 49 fights and won over half of them! I also found out that Godzilla has been around for 47 years. I’ve learned a lot of information and collected quite a bit too. I have 18 toy Godzillas, 3 King Ghidoras,1 Gigan, 3 Rodans, 1 baby Mothra, 3 Godzilla CDs (music from the movies), 1 t-shirt, 5 books, 2 Mecha-Godzillas, 18 Godzilla movies, 1 pack of Godzilla trading cards, and 1 Godzilla Hot Wheels car. In conclusion, I really like Godzilla!

Ya sure do, kid.
Source

[Math] years later, and very little has changed. I’m still a dork, and I still really like Godzilla. I draw comfort from the fact that if I were ever to go back in time and meet that kid, we’d at least be able to bond over our shared enthusiasm for the Big G. He’d probably think it’s really cool that I have two new Godzilla shirts and that I’ve seen all of the movies now. Even the one where he dies. We could share a few tears over that. 

Next week I’ll be kicking off my King of the Monsters series in earnest with a review of Gojira, the nuclear allegory that started the Kaiju Kraze! Then, it’s a guided tour of the three eras of Godzilla’s reign. You guys are going to have SO MUCH CONTEXT when the new movie comes out. Like, you don’t even know. Hold on to your butts.