Because two times five is ten, the number of Octoberweens this is. You know, like in math.

I’m sure our twelve dedicated readers are familiar with Octoberween, especially since it’s the only thing we do here now. They know that of all the fake holidays invented by film critics to sell greeting cards, ours is the least commercialized*.

But what of the latecomers? Those wide-eyed babes in the proverbial woods, stumbling through the undergrowth of over-extended metaphors and the dumbest jokes I can write. Normally I’d say “leave ’em to the wolves”, but I’m not sure what that would entail in this situation. Besides, everyone knows that the Octoberween Spirit moves even the crustiest ghoul to random acts of generosity. So here’s a quick rundown for you weary internet travelers, be you new readers or forgetful college acquaintances who see these blog posts on Facebook once a year:

Webster’s Dictionary defines October as “the tenth month of the year”, and Ween as “Suppose (Archaic)”.

Wow. Makes you think.

As the night air chills, we hope you will too…with us**. Join Rooster Illusion as we get in the mood for Halloween the only way we know how: By watching seasonally appropriate movies and then writing about them. As one does.

Now spice up your lattes, throw away your candy corn (it is gross), and snuggle up with as many black cats as you can fit on your couch: It’s Octoberween Ten, baby.

*Only until Coca-Cola returns my calls.
**Smooth, man.