Some of you have been with us since the beginning. You are heroes. Your parade is coming in the mail. It will take six to eight weeks to arrive, but it will be spectacular. The rest of you are okay. Either way, you’re here, it’s October, and that’s all that matters. Rooster Illusion tradition, passed down to me by Scott, Lord of the Roosters, dictates that we spend the month getting wicked psyched for Halloween. Barring a few exceptions*, each week will be a sickening barrage of horror, or the closest we can get, which I guess is film criticism of horror. Spooky.

So start getting psyched, kids. It’s gonna be wild.

*Writers who refuse to celebrate Octoberween will be hunted for sport…by me…to death.