Baddie – I’m graduating!

Lesson – I’m unemployed!

This week, because I’ll be graduating with an M.S. in Print Media at about 5pm today , you are treated to some mini reviews! It’s like popcorn chicken: smaller versions of something you already love.

So I actually watch more movies than get reviewed, y’know, because I genuinely enjoy watching movies. Some of them I stow away for a rainy day, especially in regards to those with spectacularly low production value.

The Asylum

Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark (2014) – An Asylum Studios film that wasn’t, well, it wasn’t that bad. I mean, it’s no cinematic classic, but it was not as infuriating as Sharknado or as campy as Sharktopus and landed somewhere around the very boring Megapiranha. The lamest part is that there just aren’t that many shark attacks. In fact there are like, zero shark attacks. The shark is so big it goes after entire boats, which is kinda boring time and time again. There is approximately one up-close shark attack, and it’s not very alarming.

New Horizons Picture

Sharktopus (2010) – Speaking of Sharktopus, this is a film that could have been a delightful romp but ended up suffering the same dumb, “Haha look how much we don’t care” attitude as everything SyFy does. The CGI is the most egregious offender of this. There is no time wasted on hiding Sharktopus, so the beast is prominently featured, plasticy shading and all. Unfortunate. There is a sequel rumored in the works – Sharktopus vs. Mermantula, or possibly even Piranhaconda. I’ll just keep praying to the Elder Gods that SyFy remembers why B-Movies are fun and they get their act together.

New Artists Alliance

Bad Milo! (2013) – I probably could dedicate a whole column to this movie, but I didn’t because I’m lazy. Initially I checked it out because it has Community‘s Gillian Jacobs, but it ended up being a delightful homage to all those weird little gnome-puppet-type movies from that spectacular niche of B-Cinema. I would highly recommend giving this one a watch. It could have easily been chock full of toilet humor–oh, wait, no, it was, but, somehow I wasn’t infuriated by it as much as I would anticipate.

QED International

Haunter (2013) – I’m not sure I would qualify this movie as “scary.” It’s more like a dramatic movie with horror themes. There are a few jump scares, but those aren’t quite enough to propel it into “scary” territory. Everyone tries very valiantly to act their way through a convoluted plot of ghosts co-existing within the same planes of a house (AHS much?) trapped by a now ethereal serial killer. The most successful bits surrounded the whole, “Oh god we’re dead,” moments. Unfortunately, those moments are wasted fairly early on in the film. Good for a casual watch.

SciFridays will be going on hiatus until the end of June, at which point graduate school will be completely wrapped up. Incidentally, if you are a company that’s hiring, I’m available!