Hey, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! If, like me, you’re a) single and b) older than twelve, then that probably doesn’t mean much to you. Still, I’m no Scrooge. I don’t hate romance, or even cheap candy. I don’t hate ghosts either, but I really, really don’t want to look at Valentine’s Days past. So, half…
Downton Abbey? James, do you even know what a movie critic is? Ha ha, disembodied voice. Ha. Ha. For those of you wondering what I’m doing reviewing a TV show, some exposition: I work at a video store frequented by well-off white people. As such, Downton Abbey rents like crack, if crack were a thing…
Django Unchained (2012): The Plot: Set two years before the Civil War, Django tells the story of the slave Django (Jamie Foxx), who is given his freedom by the charming and quirky bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz and his amazing beard). Together, they kill Bad White Dudes and eventually set off to rescue…
“America’s not a country. It’s just a business.” –Brad Pitt earns his Junior Cynic badge Killing Them Softly (2012): The Plot: When two dumb criminals (Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendelsohn) rob a mob-run card game, hit man Jackie Cogan (Brad Pitt) gets called in to clean things up. Also, it’s 2008, and organized crime is…
Since I didn’t make it to the movies this week, I thought I’d fall back on the time-honored tradition of finding the good stuff on Netflix. Melancholia got a fair amount of critical acclaim when it came out, and then praise from people in my Film Theory class. Since most of what I’d heard made…
Well, I promised you two reviews today, and I am totally delivering. Check it, single ladies and potential employers: I’m reliable. Wreck-It Ralph (2012): The Plot: Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) is the Bad Guy in an arcade video game. His job is to wreck a fancy apartment building so that endlessly-chipper Fix-It Felix (Jack…
I took last week off, so you get two (2!) reviews today. While you were all gorging yourselves on turkey, I was looking deep into the heart and soul of America. Pay attention, supervillains, because I discovered two things that this country really, really loves: Abraham Lincoln and old, crappy video games (which you will…
