Hey, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow! If, like me, you’re a) single and b) older than twelve, then that probably doesn’t mean much to you. Still, I’m no Scrooge. I don’t hate romance, or even cheap candy. I don’t hate ghosts either, but I really, really don’t want to look at Valentine’s Days past. So, half…
Hey, all. James here. Shelley, writer of the fantastic (and pretty darn popular) Single-Malt Movies, is taking some time off from blogging. No need to worry, though. She’ll be back as soon as she can, maybe even in a couple weeks if you all behave yourselves. As her boss, I can tell you that her…
That sums it up pretty well, actually. Huh. I guess the review’s over. You can all go back to Facebook or Twitter or whatever. No, wait, please stay, we need you. I mean, whatever. Gangster Squad (2013): The Plot: BASED ON A TRUE STORY!!!1! Los Angeles, 1949. New York gangster Mickey Cohen (Sean Penn) has…
Downton Abbey? James, do you even know what a movie critic is? Ha ha, disembodied voice. Ha. Ha. For those of you wondering what I’m doing reviewing a TV show, some exposition: I work at a video store frequented by well-off white people. As such, Downton Abbey rents like crack, if crack were a thing…
Django Unchained (2012): The Plot: Set two years before the Civil War, Django tells the story of the slave Django (Jamie Foxx), who is given his freedom by the charming and quirky bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz and his amazing beard). Together, they kill Bad White Dudes and eventually set off to rescue…
Well, it looks like Rooster Illusion is finally getting into the Christmas spirit. Although, when you think about it, it’s kind of like we’ve been in the Christmas spirit this whole time, what with all the free reviews and such. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Hogfather (2007): The Plot: When the Hogfather (Shend)…
“America’s not a country. It’s just a business.” –Brad Pitt earns his Junior Cynic badge Killing Them Softly (2012): The Plot: When two dumb criminals (Scoot McNairy and Ben Mendelsohn) rob a mob-run card game, hit man Jackie Cogan (Brad Pitt) gets called in to clean things up. Also, it’s 2008, and organized crime is…
