Mindless Action Mondays: I Just Can’t Get Away From Getaway Fast Enough

MindlessActionMondaysBy Drew Parton

Title jokes are back with a vengeance.

getaway_xlg

These were my exact goals about going to the theater to see this movie.

This week, against my better judgement, I went to the local cinema to check out the recent movie Getaway, starring Ethan Hawke, Jon Voight, and Selena Gomez.

Ethan Hawke plays a washed-up race car driver who is vacationing with his wife when she gets kidnapped by Jon Voight and now he must help Jon Voight rob a bank in order to save his wife. He is aided by Selena Gomez doing her best imitation of a concrete wall.

Usually at this point in my review, I describe my gut feelings about the movie. But thinking about this movie makes me want to vomit.

It’s 90 minutes of what amounts to a single car chase causing rampant-yet purely cosmetic damage without a shred of character development or even basic acting. I don’t know what Ethan Hawke’s car was made out of, but the United States needs to start experimenting it for use in its tanks.

Just throw her out of the car, Ethan...

Just throw her out of the car, Ethan…

Well, actually, all of the damage done to cars, buildings, landscapes, seems to do absolutely nothing. I’ve never seen destruction kept to such an absolute PG-13 level. Everything explodes or sparks but nothing really gets broken; it’s bland and it desensitizes you to all of the action and possible intensity.

By the time the climax arrives, what should be an exhilarating scene is just the same car chase we’ve been watching for the last 90 minutes. So, nothing get’s damaged in this film…except your brain. Also, they drive around all night in a muscle car and yet never need to stop for gas.

Dungeons_and_dragons_posterIt’s saddening, because I honestly think that Ethan Hawke is a good actor. Not counting the similarly dreadful remake of Assault on Precinct 13, Hawke has made a lot of decent-to-great movies over the years. I’ve talked about how much I enjoy Gattaca before, and Training Day is a modern crime classic. Same thing with Jon Voight- I can’t really blame either of them for their abysmal performances in this film. I think the real problem is with the dreadful writing and directing- but what can you really expect from the director of the Dungeons and Dragons movie.

Overall, the film is terrible. It’s abonimable, it’s the reason why we have wars and strife. It is in the same circle of hell as Reindeer Games and Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever

Do not see it. Do not think about it. Go home and hold your loved ones close, for I have seen what lies in the darkness.

So has Ethan Hawke.

So has Ethan Hawke.

Be sure to check out my science column: Trope-ic Thunder

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One thought on “Mindless Action Mondays: I Just Can’t Get Away From Getaway Fast Enough

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