Mindless Action Mondays: I’m not going to make a Jack “Reach-around” Joke

MindlessActionMondaysBy Drew Parton


Paramount Pictures
Hey! You can buy this!

This week, I hit the theaters to check out the new movie Jack Reacher starring the pint sized Tom Cruise and all of his thetans.

Jack Reacher is based upon a series of novels about the titular Jack written by Lee Child. The movie is specifically taken from the novel One Shot. The movie is about a massacre of 5 innocent people by a sniper.

The immediate suspect is an ex-army sniper with a mountain of evidence against him. A perfect open-and-shut case. Before being beaten into a coma, the suspect, James Barr, scrawls “GET JACK REACHER” on his confession form.

Pictured: Shenanigans

Paramount Pictures
Pictured: Shenanigans

Jack Reacher is an ex-army MP investigator whom now roams the country getting into shenanigans and solving crimes.

Barr’s attourney hires Jack as her chief investigator but Reacher is immediately convinced of Barr’s guilt based upon a murder he got away with during his time in the Army. But as suspicious events occur and things come to light, a conspiracy unravels and Reacher finds himself trying to prove Barr’s innocence.

I’m going to be honest, at first glance this movie looked dumb as hell and after everything Tom Cruise has done it’s hard to take him seriously.
But I gave this movie a try and I actually thoroughly enjoyed it.


Paramount Pictures

Now, in the books, Jack Reacher is described as a 6’5″ darkly intimidating man. Tom Cruise is a 5’7″ amusingly silly man. But you know what? He does a good job, the movie is really punctuated by some pretty decent acting from Cruise. Subtle acting, mind you, nothing really hammy or over-the-top. There’s great action, good performances all around, and Werner Herzog is in it as a bad guy who ate off his fingers to escape a gulag!

Herzog has a habbit of eating strange things.

Paramount Pictures
Herzog has a habbit of eating strange things.

The movie is great fun and is really reminiscient of some of the older “cowboy cop” films like Dirty Harry and Bullit- a throwback, almost, to simpler times and simpler movies.


Paramount Pictures

Reacher is a nice refreshing change of pace as a character. He’s a simple man who really is just looking out for his own but not in the standard dark and brooding sense. He’s a bit of an abrasive jerk who is not above threatening to beat the shit out of a person who is in his way or calling the young woman who is hitting on him a whore. At the end of the day, the movie is an excellent thrill ride and a generally fun movie-going experience that’s very good at showing instead of telling.

It came as an unexpected but well-welcome surprise, I really liked this movie. I’d highly recommend going and checking it out.

I’m going to end this review a tad early so that I can talk about the most sublime fucking piece of cinema I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing:

FDR: American Badass Poster

Screen Media Films


Screen Media Films

FDR: American Badass is a recent movie starring Barry Bostwick about the life of president Franklin Delano Roosevelt. After contracting polio from a werewolf attack, FDR begins a crusade to the White House in order to combat the Werewolf Menace of the Axis powers.

FDR and Abraham Lincoln

Screen Media Films
FDR and Lincoln smoking George Washington’s weed. Look kids! It’s Kevin Sorbo!

It is quite possibly the hardest I have ever laughed in my existence. The movie is the perfect amount of toungue-in-cheek schlock. It’s surprisingly made by competent actors who have done respectable works outside of this. The movie gets its charm from its preposterous humor and ridiculous moments. It really doesn’t take itself too seriously and is clearly meant just for shits and giggles. And it has the second-best portrayal of Abraham Lincoln this year.

It’s available on NETFLIX instant and everyone everywhere should go out and watch it right now.

It’s also only $9.99 on Amazon.com, and makes a perfect late Christmas gift


Screen Media Films

Next, week, I will be viewing another foreign film- this time, the 1992 John Woo action flick
Hard Boiled starring Chow Yun-Fat in some of the coolest gun battles from the east.

Hard Boiled

The Criterion Collection

Have a safe and fun New Year’s, everybody.

Don’t forget to recommend me movies or send me hate mail at:
dmpart10@stlawu.edu or comment on this post

Also like us on facebook and follow us on twitter and you’ll receive a brand-new Winnebago
(while supplies last)

3 thoughts on “Mindless Action Mondays: I’m not going to make a Jack “Reach-around” Joke

  1. Pingback: Mindless Action Mondays Gets Meta | Rooster Illusion

  2. Pingback: Mindless Action Mondays is THE LAW | Rooster Illusion

  3. Pingback: Mindless Action Mondays: War. Huh. Yeah. What is it good for? | Rooster Illusion

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