This weekend, I went to go see the new Brad Pitt movie Fury, or as I’ll call it:
TANK PORN: THE MOVIE
Fury follows the crew of the titular M4 Sherman tank during the waning years of WWII. After losing their assistant driver, an untrained rookie named Norman (played by Logan Lerman) joins their ranks and is thrust into the brutality of war. The crew, who have been together for three long years since the North Africa Campaign, is initially reluctant to accept Norman, but eventually they all become one big happy family scalping Nazis.
Aldo Raine jokes aside, Fury is a visceral and raw war film punctuated by intense action and surprisingly astounding performances. Please note: From here on out there will be spoilers. I will do them TV Tropes style, so in order to view them, you’ll have to highlight them.
Let me tell you something. If you spend enough of your life writing online articles about Vincent Price movies, then sooner or later you’re going to reach an important impasse: you’re going to have to ask yourself, after four or so articles, how it is, exactly, that you’ve never done a double feature. Well, friends, I recently reached that impasse. I recently asked that question of myself. I recently came to the following answer.
Tower of London (1962)
Tigon Picture Ltd. 78 minutes? Have you ever seen a movie use its runtime as an advertising point before?
The Plot: Based loosely on Shakespeare’s history and even more loosely on actual history, the film follows Richard, Duke of Gloucester, later Richard III (Vincent Price), on his murderous ascent to the throne. In case English regal history just ain’t your cup of tea, Richard was born a hunchback and scorned by his family and social peers alike, despite his nobility. Perhaps as a form of compensation, he decided it’d be somewhat validating to become king of England, although he was pretty far down the line. How do you jump ahead of the line? You murder about ten people: men, women, and children. Duh. And then you recede into madness as you’re continually haunted by the ghosts of slaughtered innocents. Again, duh. Continue reading →
Lesson – Vampirism is not the best way to go through puberty.
Continuing in my chosen theme of Octoberween (vampires), but not in the theme of SciFridays, I made an impulsive decision to watch this movie based on the fact that the cast is stellar and it appears to feature a lot of John C Reilly, who is one of those actors that just shoes up in weird places. I now understand that this was at some point a book, but I have not read the book, so, uh, that.
Vampire’s Assistant is, at its core, a coming of age movie featuring two boys, one slightly more mature than the other. When I say ‘coming of age’, I do not mean in the brutal apocalyptic sense that Stakeland is a coming of age movie. This one is much more-so the candy-coated cousin, landing somewhere around a poorly-marketed tween movie and some heavy handed morals. I’ll admit, I made it through 20 minutes of this movie before calling it quits and having to start again. Somewhere between Willem Defoe doing his best Vincent Price and John C. Reilly’s quirky-but-dangerous vampire and Salma Hayek’s bizarre bearded lady…I got lost. Plus, and I don’t yet know the reason for this, you are absolutely not rooting for the kid and his annoying best “friend”. Continue reading →
Welcome boys and ghouls, to another spine-tingling, pulse-pounding, spooky-scarifying issue of A Bomb in the Lasagna! It is I your humble, horrifying host of horror movie reviews., the Bomb in the LaZombie ! Enter freely and of your own will and together we’ll take a senses-shattering journey into….A REVIEW OF CREEPSHOW!
Eyes Without a Face (French: Les yeux sans visage) was not well-received when it was released in 1960. I’m not surprised. The movie works with tropes from the horror genre (e. g., an egotistical mad scientist who will do anything for his work), and has a level of gore shocking even by today’s standards. However, it’s also incredibly thoughtful, full of disquieting imagery, and riddled with poignant questions. This type of movie cannot pass for what critics might write off as a B-movie, but it’s also too entrenched in ideas from a “minor genre” for those critics to accept it. They couldn’t just say, “Oh, well that was trashy.” They had to dispel it, loudly (one critic was nearly fired for admitting she liked the movie), because it brought up so many conflicting feelings between what a horror film should be, and what Eyes Without a Face is.
Ah, Octoberween has begun, the most fantastic time of year when life becomes pumpkin-spiced and things get a little… spookier. This week, I went to go see the newest installment in the Taken franchise, Taken A Walk Among the Tombstones.
Liam Neeson plays Matt Scudder, an alcoholic and retired cop who now does unlicensed private detective work. One of his Alcoholics Anonymous buddies introduces him to his brother, Kenny Kristo, who has a job offer for him: Kenny’s wife was kidnapped by unknown people- and even when Kenny payed the ransom, they killed her anyway. Kenny hires Matt to investigate who killed his wife and bring them to him. Now, Matt is embroiled in a deadly and intricate kidnapping/murder spree.
Yeah, so it is one of the darkest films I have recently seen.
Octoberween continues! And with it, so does my undying love of Vincent Price. I cannot think of a single more spooktacular way to spend this month, than by marathon-ing the films of this master of the macabre, highness of the horrific, sultan of the scary, Kaiser of the creepy, tycoon of the terrible, rajah of the repulsive, pharaoh of the frightening, and so on. Meh… I tried, anyway.
MGM Home Entertainment
The Plot: Several years after the gruesome decapitation of his wife at the screening of one of his films, horror movie icon Paul Toombes (Vincent Price) is cajoled into reviving his most (in)famous character: Dr. Death. Of course, things get tricky, and the unsolved murder of Mrs. Toombes returns to the public eye when Dr. Death himself is implicated in a series of grisly murders. Apparently being framed, Toombes turns to his best friend and writer Herbert Flay (Peter Cushing) to help him solve the mystery, and discover the real reason why this fictional character just won’t leave him alone. Continue reading →