SciFridays: “Hansel & Gretel” (2013)

hanselandgretel_largeBaddie – Asylum Studios.

Lesson – Revenge is a dish best served with poetic justice.

Here are some things I don’t do well with. Torture films, and people being cooked alive. GUESS WHAT THIS MOVIE IS ABOUT.

So, right off the bat we have a bakery serving ‘meat pies’, a la Sweeney Todd. And some straight up Hansel and Gretel (Yes, those are the actual names) sibling tiff. Some not so subtle analogies. “She’s had some sort of witchy spell over him,” quips Hansel. (No, I can’t get Zoolander out of my head either). This in regards to the stepmother, of course, who literally kicks them out of the house.

Aww, siblings.

Aww, siblings.

Actually, I wonder if they thought they were being clever when they wrote this, or if they just wanted to be super literal. There are close ups of Hansel eating candy while walking through the forest. I think I’ve demonstrated in over 30+ reviews that I prefer my homages to be subtle, but I also don’t know how seriously this film is intended to be a re-telling. There is a subtle Eric Clapton joke. Continue reading

Trope-ic Thunder: Learning Inertia Saves lives

By Drew Parton

Hey, everybody, recently a few pictures were leaked of Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy in the upcoming movie The Amazing Spiderman 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Many people on the internet have commented that it appears to be the wardrobe Gwen Stacy was wearing in the infamous Spiderman comic arc: The Night Gwen Stacy Died.the-amazing-spider-man-2-gwen-stacyIn the story, Norman Osborne, the Green Goblin, throws Gwen Stacy off a bridge- but Spidey’s quick enough to catch her with a web just in time! Unfortunately, reality ensues and the whiplash has snapped Gwen’s neck, killing her. When it premiered it was a groundshaking event in comic history and is still regarded as such today. This is also one of the few times in popular media where the writers actually applied the laws of inertia correctly (though be it to tragic consequences). Shit, I should have made the title “I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up!”

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The Tuesday Zone: Werner Herzog Goes to War

The Tuesday Zone

Francois Truffaut–arguably one of the most influential filmmakers/theorists in post-60s cinema given his contributions to French New Wave and co-creation of “Auteur Theory”– purportedly called German director Werner Herzog “the most important film director alive.” This is largely because all of Herzog’s movies feel like pieces of his entire filmography, as if they’re all different approaches to various themes and interests of this man, who has made dozens of films and was a favorite of arguably the most influential film critic of all time, Roger Ebert.

What are those themes?  Well, to name a few: larger-than-life protagonists, madness, the inability to overcome nature, etc.  Herzog’s movies invariably have main characters that wish to do the impossible, whether it’s dragging a steamboat over a mountain or taking over the Ecuadorian jungle, and usually these wishes conflict with societal norms and nature itself.  Watching his movies is an experience that cannot be summarized, at least not in a cursory way by some college kid, but I will attempt to be concise: a Herzog film is an experience, the witnessing of something so massive in scope and ambition that awe-inspiring barely suffices to describe it.

Much like that mustache.

Much like Herzog’s mustache.

So, in many ways, I think that Truffaut has a good point.  Truffaut also has a very commonly-referenced quote that refers to war films: ”There is no such thing as an anti-war movie.”  He claims that it is nigh impossible to make an anti-war movie because the act of capturing war on film will almost always glorify it.  But now we are at an impasse: what happens when the man who loves to take on the impossible tries to make a supposedly impossible film? Continue reading

Mindless Action Mondays: What’s Up Doc?

MindlessActionMondaysBy Drew Parton

shootemup2dThis week, I watched a personal favorite of mine, the 2007 movie Shoot ‘Em Up. The movie is essentially 86 minutes of Paul Giamatti and Clive Owen shooting at each other. And it could not be more amazing.

The great Roger Ebert once remarked, “I may disapprove of a movie for going too far, and yet have a sneaky regard for a movie that goes much, much farther than merely too far.” Shoot ‘Em Up is in this second category. The movie is insane and over-the-top in the most absolutely incredible way.

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Rooster Recap: ‘Hannibal’ Episode 5: “Coquilles”

Well, this thing is a bit late, as are the next two. Kids, if anyone ever asks if you want two jobs, say yes (because, you know, moneh), but be prepared to have less energy for doing stuff. So much less energy. But enough about me. Let’s talk about cannibals.

Le quois? “Coquilles (n., pl.): Any of various seafood or chicken dishes baked with a sauce and usually served in a scallop shell or a shell-shaped serving dish. (Source: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/coquilles)

First thoughts: Okay, does *every* killer need to tie in to Will’s personal problems?

The stag returns! I’m really digging that raven-feathered beast, in case you guys hadn’t picked up on that. Unsurprisingly, it looks like this whole GJH thing is really getting to Will. Now he’s started sleepwalking. I really liked that the cops who find him are pretty decent guys. Especially the one who does most of the talking. I don’t know if it’s because I grew up in a rural area, or because I’m a quiet middle class white kid who pretty much stays out of trouble, but most of the police men and women that I’ve met have come across as decent people just doing their jobs. Seeing that made the scene feel more real. Hey, the world of this show is full of normal dudes just doing their jobs and here are some of them being cautiously helpful to this crazy man in his underwear.

Hey bud I am a normal person who is a cop and you are kind of freaking me out right now.

Hey bud I am a normal person who is a cop and you are kind of freaking me out right now.

It’s a small thing, but this show has so many small things that I like. If I didn’t talk about them, then these Recaps would just be me regurgitating plot details with a little sarcasm and some fangirling about Caroline Dhavernas and character development and hahaha who wants that? Continue reading

Second Breakfast: Brush Up Your Shakespeare

SecondBreakfast-01Some people have a real problem watching adaptations without having first read the source material. By and large, this doesn’t bother me. I do, however, have difficulty watching movies based on Shakespeare if I haven’t read the play. It’s not so bad with his comedies, because they’re often straightforward and those adaptations don’t change too much, but the tragedies are a different story. People really like to alter those, thinking that they have some new lens through which to interpret Shakespeare’s meaning. Criticism of Shakespeare movies, then, is often very much as adaptations. Is that entirely fair? I dunno, you feel like you should treat things as their own entities. Criticize primarily as a film or as a production of Shakespeare? I’ll try to do both.

Coriolanus (2011)

The Plot: Caius Martius (Ralph Fiennes) is a general in the Roman legion and damn, is he ever good at his job. Rome is in the midst of political unrest, famish, and war with the Volsces, led by Tullus Aufidius (Gerard Butler). After a sweeping, single-handed victory in the city of Corioles, Martius is granted the ceremonial title Coriolanus, and his friends Menenius (Brian Cox) and Cominius (John Kani) put him on the fast track to political power. His main political enemies, Brutus (Paul Jesson) and Sicinius (James Nesbitt) plot against him. Continue reading

Strange Bacon Philosophy Part III: Pink Floyd’s The Wall

Strange BaconIt becomes necessary at times, with the speed and tenacity of modern day life, to simply sit back and listen to the music once in awhile. I find my generation’s music, from twangy country to meaningless, repetitive party tunes, to be just awful. No explanation can help me understand why kids don’t know that “Behind Blue Eyes” is a song by The Who, or that some albums actually have a greater meaning than just about how drunk you frequently get on weekends.

Pink Floyd’s The Wall was the culmination of a great deal of hard work by longtime Floyd member and lead vocalist Roger Waters. Writing the music must have been a task, and making sure fellow band member David Gilmour had as little input as possible in the project must have taken some serious effort, as well. The film adaptation of the famous double album was considered the first major step in the breakup of the Band, as Waters pushed more and more of his own material over Gilmour.

The film is one of a kind. It amounts to, at its most basic level, a ninety minute long, unrelenting music video about the social and psychological barriers mounted between a rock star (Named Pink Floyd) and those around him. His wife, who has become tired of his emotional vacancy, leaves him and begins his spiral into complete and total insanity.

The uniqueness of the film is not the message, but the delivery. The music, like all Floyd is spectacular, but the visualization allows the band to paint an even more vivid picture. The story loosely follows the personal struggled of early band member Syd Barrett, who was the lead vocalist for Floyd during a much more lighthearted, poppy time in the band’s history. He spent much of his later life in and out of treatment for mental illness. It is believed by many that this album, as well as popular Floyd track “Wish You Were Here” are about Syd. Continue reading