The Plot: Slightly before, partly during, and mostly after the events of Zach Snyder’s abhorrent 300, them plucky Greeks have yet more problems from them pesky Persians. Naval problems. Led by Athenian Leonidas (Sullivan Stapleton), the Greeks assemble their ragtag navy of tiny ships and engage in a series of battles against the mighty Persian fleet, commanded by Artemisia (Eva Green). A woman in charge of a navy!? No wonder the Persians lost! Guffaw chortle ha. Hating women is almost as fun as excessive blood spatter! Continue reading →
Sometimes movies pop up in my Netflix ‘recommended’ and I’m like, “Ehhhhhh…not convinced.” This was one of those movies that didn’t immediately grab me. However, I watched Cottage Country strictly on the basis that I was having a miserable day and I needed something funny in my life. And boy howdy did it deliver.
Maybe some of you will recall how much I love Tucker & Dale vs. Evil. I love love love love that movie. It’s probably one of my favorite films of all time. In fact, I re-watched the other day. “But what does that have to do with Cottage Country?” you might be asking. Tyler Labine, that’s what. Also, Canada. Tyler Labine, by the way, also known as Dale from Tucker & Dale vs Evil and Socks from ”Reaper” which is a delightfully cheesy television show that mushes Ghostbusters-style shenanigans with a coming-of-age story, is great at looking incredulous. It’s his best skill. It works really well for this particular tale, which is of a couple, Todd and Cammie, that goes away for vacation only to be interrupted by his brother Salinger and his brother’s girlfriend, Masha. Things escalate, and in the heat of the moment, Todd hits Salinger in the neck with an ax, which as you might imagine, was pretty detrimental to one’s life.
Hannibal is back, and I could not be more excited. Some of you may recall that my attempts to recap the last season ended in abject failure when I gave up with five episodes left. I mean, I still watched them. I just didn’t write about them. But fear not, for this year I totally have my shit together. Totally. 100%. Let’s do this thing.
Before I get into the meat (heh) of this thing, a brief refresher: Will is in prison for several murders, which, like, he absolutely did not do. Everyone else still thinks that Hannibal is a pretty swell guy.
Despite the missteps in last week’s episode of Justified, this week’s seemed a bit more on track. Raylan and Boyd are still not interacting, but Boyd did spend the entire episode in Mexico, so that’s forgivable, I guess. Yes, Boyd is still in Mexico. After breaking his carefully constructed character to do something entirely against everything we’ve ever known about him (kill his cousin), Boyd settles things with the Mexicans and heads North with his posse, the drugs, and the dead bodies. They run into some trouble along the way, having to deal with some corrupt police officers, but settle that quickly. With help from Daryl Crowe’s Mexican contacts, they prepare to cross the border with about $300,000 of heroin. Classic. Right before doing so, though, Jimmy overhears a conspiracy between the Crowes and their Mexican friends, which would likely spell trouble for Boyd’s rapidly dwindling drug cartel. Continue reading →
I can’t remember the first time that I encountered Zorro. Recalling my childhood, I get flashes of Guy Williams and Duncan Regehr. I know I wore the mask and cape for Halloween at least three times. Raised on Errol Flynn’s Robin Hood, the swashbuckling was, of course, very appealing to me. And the fact that Zorro’s name translated to that of my favorite animal (the fox) certainly helped. But the definitive version for me has always been—hell, always will be—Antonio Banderas’ roguish thief-turned-dashing hero. The Mask of Zorro came out when I was 8, and while I may not have any vivid memories of seeing it in theaters, it clearly left an impression: the picture I chose for my Cursive License (anybody else get one of those in third grade?) was me dressed up as El Zorro, sporting a greasepaint mustache and a cheeky grin. It’s cute as hell, though I probably felt really cool at the time. And while I daydream myself into adventures with alarming infrequency these days, my heart still soars when I hear James Horner’s score or Stuart Wilson’s hoarse admonition of: “It isn’t just one man, dammit! It’s Zorro!”
The Plot: As his dashing alter-ego Zorro, Don Diego de la Vega (Anthony Hopkins) fights to free the people of 1800s California from the oppression of the Spanish aristocracy, led by the sinister Don Rafael Montero (Stuart Wilson). Diego vows to settle in domestic bliss with his wife Esperanza (Julieta Rosen) and infant daughter Elena (a baby, later Catherine Zeta-Jones), but wouldn’t ya know it? His nemesis shows up, his wife dies, and the bad guy walks away with the baby. Some days you just can’t a break. Diego swears vengeance on his way to a Monte Cristo-style prison. Don Rafael buys parenting books and heads back to Spain. Twenty years later, Diego escapes from prison and teams up with the heavily-bearded thief Alejandro (Antonio Banderas), just in time to thwart the now-returned Don Rafael’s sinister plan to buy California from General Santa Anna. Oh, and Alejandro wants to avenge his brother’s death at the hands of Captain Love (Matt Letscher), a sadistic bastard. Swashbuckling ensues. Continue reading →
In the real world, there are so many things we don’t hear about that actually happen in Washington. In the House of Cards world, you go behind the doors, past the paperwork, the Meechum, and straight to the source. The House, The Senate, The President, The Frank.
This episode may “bore” some people but to people like myself, it’s a cool way to get a feel for how in a matter of hours, things can change on the Hill. Now, it’s probably not as dramatic as the show plays it out to be…but if it wasn’t, we would all be watching C-SPAN pants-less while eating DiGiorno. Hold onto your J.O.S. Bank half price suit, ladies and gentlemen, this ain’t delivery. This… is Episode 3.
If you haven’t seen the episode, I suggest waiting to read this post. Spoilers ahead. Continue reading →